3-D VISION

Just another day, sun shining down.
Birds wake us up, soft chirping sound.
We feel good knowing, we are alive.
But today one man, will surely die.

He lives and loves, like you and me.
He to has his own, preplanned destiny.
He has a family, who loves him dearly.
And with the pain of his loss, will suffer severely.

The man has done wrong, make no mistake.
He has left much wreckage, in his thunderous wake.
Yet like us all, he has good with in.
So which one of us, has the right to kill him?

It's a dark cloud, to live under.
When on your days, someone puts a number.
He regrets the hurt he caused, and knows he was wrong.
He is told he will die, yet tries to remain strong.

He is trapped by a system, that claims no flaw.
Yet they murder often, calling it the enforcement of law.
So as I watch this day, I'm filled with sorrow.
For the soul of one man, will be forgotten tomorrow.

So I feel lucky now, for each and every breathe.
As I reside unwillingly, in this house of death.
A man is murdered, it's 3-D vision we say.
That's how it is, on a Dirty, Deadly, Day!!!

by Ricky Silva, october 2013

A DAY IN 3-D

I awoke today on October 1, 2013. It was just another day. I heard a knock on my window and knew the nurse was on my door. I am a diabetic and 2 times every day the nurse gives me a shot of insulin. I got dressed and went to my door and very quickly was filled with sorrow.

I noticed it was 1 hour earlier than I usually get my shot and that alone was a bad sign. Then I noticed that the guard was wearing a tie and his uniform was pressed and his boots were all shined up. And he was encouraging the wing to be on their best behavior. Important people were in the prison today. Maybe even the secretary of state. It seemed like a holiday.

But to me there was nothing to celebrate for though it was just another day for me.

I knew that today a man would be murdered. How could I know that?

Well in this building they house death row inmates and only on days of a murder do they dress up all fancy and make everything right.

Notice I say murder and not execution. I say that because an execution is nothing but a murder that has been authorized.

I was very close to death row myself so I feel for them.

So today is not just another day. A life will come to an end and though that at one time wouldn't bother me it does today. So for today I'm filled with regret. Regret that a system can take a human life and not only condone it but celebrate the day like a holiday. Today I regret the life I myself took in a heated moment of anger. For life (any life) is valulable though it's hard we should love each other.

So today to show my love for a man who once lived but do to legal murder will live no longer. I will live this day in 3-D.

3-D is what it is - DIRTY, DEADLY, DAY.

My heart goes out to the family of that man for I feel close to him and don't even know his name.

Be safe!

one man caged

Ricky  

TIME TO FIGHT

Throughout it all, I never turned down a fight.

I'm known for swift footwork, and my over hand right. 

I've faced many opponents, and never shied away. 

But I struggle with the one, I face today.

I am my own trainer, and hard I do train. 

I do push ups in the snow, and shadow box in the rain. 

But my opponent is huge, and undenieably tough. 

I feel even all my training, won't be enough. 

But I push myself harder, for courage I have found. 

Yet I know this fight, will come to the last round. 

I remember a past fight, how I suffered a cramp. 

I know I can't let this happen, against the undisputed champ. 

He is the most aggressive fighter, I must give it my all. 

I will fight hard and get back up, should I ever fall. 

I will bob and weave, my chin I will tuck. 

I will fight and fight, and hope for a little luck. 

The lights are bright, as I enter the ring. 

I was prepared for this fight, now I can't remember a thing. 

I am the challenger, yet on the champ I will pounce. 

The champ is coming, the man begins to announce. 

Ladies and gentlemen, he announces aloud. 

And waits a second for the hush of the crowd. 

You are about to witness a fight, we all must face. 

You can't run away, or hide any place. 

Here comes the champ, he is bigger than us all. 

He is tough and brutal, a human wrecking ball. 

He has a killer jab, and a hook like a knife. 

He is the undisputed champion, and his name is Life. 

By Ricky Silva, September 2013

REACH OUT

Imagine being so alone you feel you are surrounded by darkness. Having so much to say and no one to say it to. So much love to give yet no one to receive that love.

You want for a normal conversation the way a thirsty man wants for water in the desert.

You want for human contact, any kind of human contact to remind you you're alive.

A letter would be wonderful but it seems all the people in your life who cared have drifted away like a leaf in an autumn breeze. You recognize the wrong you have done and often blame yourself for how bad things are though you know deep down no one deserves this treatment. Not even you.

You contemplate suicide but somehow find the strength everyday for just one more day. You hang on by a thread of hope because tomorrow might be different.

I can tell you when I feel like this a letter alone make all the difference. So if you're reading this blog, take time to write a letter. How can it hurt? Even if you don't write to me. Choose anyone who is living in a concrete cage like mine. Write to them if for no other reason than to give them someone to talk to.

Open your heart and through you, you could bring the hope that keeps a man alive from day to day with only a caring letter.

Please be safe.

One man caged
Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

______________________________________________________

REACH OUT

Beautiful colors dance,
across a velvet sky.
As a waterfall of souls,
waves it's good bye.

With a deep breathe of tomorrow,
we live on today.
I was told to pay attention,
but never did pay.

The darkness of the past,
is now taking it's toll.
As my pen unloads it's ink,
my life slowly begins to roll.

I flush memories away,
though some I badly miss.
Even in a picture perfect moment,
I couldn't picture this.

Stripped of all human rights,
though human we are.
Eating through a metal hole,
or between the likes of steel bars.

Locked away frozen in time,
sometimes even for years.
Laughed at when we cry,
for worthless are our tears.

The holidays come,
and slowly they go.
As we suffer a lonelyness,
that makes us feel so small.

We send out letters,
often written in our tears.
And may not ever get a response,
and this is what we fear.

But with that one letter,
in which someone choose to respond.
We have the strength building,
that will allow us to go on.

So if you're reading this reach out,
to someone in solitary.
Write a letter, it can't hurt,
even if it's not to me.

by Ricky Silva, August 2013

ONE MAN

Life would go on,

should I die.

Why does the world ignore,

a lonely cry?

Taking another step,

one foot in front of the other. 

Tripping each other for placement,

falling over one another. 

Like crabs in a pot,

pulling each other down. 

Laughing at life's cruelty,

when no one is around. 

I wonder if I'm human,

as I sit in this cell. 

The way we are all treated,

it's very hard to tell. 

It's the nature of the beast,

to treat each other cruel. 

One will be enslaved,

and one will always rule. 

We need to take a moment, 

to give a helping hand.

We are all so very different,

but a man is a man.

by Ricky Silva, August 2013

TO THEM WE ARE ANIMALS

I sit in my cell today and stay as positive as I can be. I feel really bad and it pisses me off because it can be prevented.

You see I'm a diabetic. My blood sugar without the proper amount of insulin goes very high and causes all types of problem like loss of energy, extreme thirst and headaches. It also over time does horrible things to your body. You can go blind or lose your foot do to poor circulation. 

My blood sugar has been between 200 and 300 every day for 2 weeks now and I can't get it fixed when normal is 100.

To them we are animals. Though I don't think I could treat an animal the way we are treated. 

Should our medical needs be neglected like this? Some believe it's a waste of taxpayers money to even keep us alive let alone supply medication and treatment for something such as diabetes. Do to my situation I would have to disagree :)

What about you? If you are reading this, you have an opinion? Should I shut up and deal with it as part of my sentence? Am I asking for something I don't deserve based on my actions? Or is it cruel to punish someone every day with the effects of a disease that could kill him by neglecting and refusing to give medical attention?

I would like a response. Often I have to evaluate my way of thinking and other people's insights help. So please feel free to comment. 

I will keep a post as often as I can. 

Until my next post - be safe. 

One man caged

Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

QUESTIONS

24 hours in a day.

Why not 23?

So many people succeed. 

Why not me?

Why doesn't the apple,

fall far from the tree?

Why does fate choose,

to play tricks on me?

What happens to smoke,

when it disappears in the wind?

Why do we all make a mistake,

and the same thing again?

Are people in general,

destined to fail?

Is life really nothing but,

a game of heads or tails?

Is it right to stare at each other,

with a look of disdain?

Should we all get pleasure,

from someone else's pain?

If I said I'm a changed man,

would you believe it's true?

While I am being judged,

is someone judging you?

Should we mourn a stranger,

who lies in bed with cancer?

So many questions. 

Do we really want answers?

by Ricky Silva, August 2013

ROOMMATES

I told you in my last post how other close management camps have roommates. Well all of them do except Florida State Prison. At all the other close management camps once you reach level 2 you will have a roommate some out of fear.

A lot of the people, I would say about half of the people on close management, believe it or not, are not even trying to get off. They are either to weak to endure the pressures of open population or they have made so many enemies that even if they had powers like superman they wouldn't be safe. So those types of people don't want roommates because this solitary confinement for them is a form of protective custody.

Then there are people that don't want a roommate because it is very comfortable to have a cell to yourself and not have to worry about dealing with another person and his habits in your cell. There is a good chance you may end up with someone you don't get along with or see eye to eye with on a lot of things. Once this person is in your cell the guards will not move either one of you out of the cell unless there is a serious altercation involving violence. Which means, as they tell you, no blood, no move. 

So for good reasons a lot of people would don't want to take the chance. 

I'm not sure if I would want a roommate or not. On the one hand I would enjoy the company, maybe someone to play cards or chess with and talk to. I would enjoy all that. On the other hand sharing this tiny cell would not be easy. So if I'm to be honest I really don't know if I would rather have a roommate or not and it really doesn't matter because they won't be giving me one until I go back to population. 

Moving on to the next post, I had a friend ask me a interesting question. She asked: Why is a friend so hard for a convict to find? And why he can't find a friend among other convicts?

Those are 2 very good questions and I will answer both in one of my next posts.  

If anyone reading this has any questions they would like me to answer or maybe need me to clear up something I already wrote, feel free to write me and ask. I will either write you back with an answer or post the answer on the blog. You can reach me with a letter, email (you find it at my blog profile) or by writing a comment. 

Please ( be safe )

One man caged

Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

GLASS WINDOW

GLASS WINDOW

tues July 2

Outside my window, when often I look.

I see so much failure, to many chances took.

I see very little sunshine, and a whole lot of rain.

I see despair and misery, smiling at pain.

I see a forest of hate, raw and true.

I see all the insanity, coming unglued.

I see a river of blood, with a current so swift.

I see a heart ripped out, presented as a gift.

I look out my window, and see a bird in a cage.

I see frustration and anger, even simmering rage.

I see so much, I have learned to despise.

I see murderous intent, staring into my eyes.

When I look out my window, I see the pain of years

and slowly but surely, my eyes fill up with tears.

Because it's not a window at all, it's a mirror, you see?

And all that's in my eyes, staring back at me.

by Ricky Silva, July 2013

STAYING POSITIVE

I stare out of my cage,

at the fences and wire. 

I was so full of fight,

but I'm beginning to tire.

I once walked straight,

head held tall.

But it's been a long journey,

behind these walls.

I'm not ready to give up,

at least not yet. 

But I lack something to look forward to,

and I'm filled with regret.

As I lay down at night,
on this thin piece of steel.
I get often confused,
about the way that I feel.

Sometimes wild forms of anger,
fill my emptiness inside.
And then there is the sadness,
that often choose to hide.

But with each and every breathe,
life will go on.
And to all the hate and negativity,
I choose not to respond.

I've come across a lot of wisdom,
but have so much to learn.
So if today it's not productive,
it is not my concern.

by Ricky Silva, July 2013

F.S.P.

Florida State Prison (F.S.P.).

The place where I lay my head. The home of over 1000 convicts all of which are on long term solitary confinement. Better known as "close management". All confined to a cell alone. There are no roommates here. All of the convicts here started on 1 of the 3 levels. None will leave solitary in less than 6 month and most will be here a few years.

You go up in front of the review board every 6 months but it's a joke because even if you have no write ups for those 6 months they will keep you on the same level based on whatever excuse they decide to give.

I have just made level 2. I was on level 1 for almost 4 years. So it's a real kangaroo court. 

There are 90 or 95 cells on each wing. All cells are pretty much built the same. There are many fences and towers surrounding the prison and hundreds of cages used for outdoor recreation. There are 3 guards posted on each wing at any given time. Every time you leave your cell you are handcuffed through your food flap befor they even open your door. They take no chances. So there is almost no risk to their safety. 

When I say all cells are built the same I mean: metal sink, metal toilet, foot locker (to store property), a thin sheet of metal protruding from the wall to place your mattress "mat" on. A window in the back of the cell that fortunately we are able to open and close as we choose. Not that F.S.P. is good but it's a little better than some of the solitary units I have heard about across the country. 

There are some cases of severe violence or even murder when a convict manages to take off his restraints or is on level 3 where they don't always use handcuffs or shackles because level 3 is a lesser security level. But other than that there is not a whole lot of physical violence. Just a lot of people making empty threats, yelling at someone out of their window. 

Most are happy to be in a cell by themselves for all different reasons. Some are scared to have a roommate, some like the solitude and the freedom of not sharing any space.

I personally am not sure if I would want a roommate or not. Some close management camps have roommates. I will explain about that and my choice in the next post.

Until than, be safe.

one man caged
Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

LAW OF THE LAND

Wandering softly,
through the forest one night.
I came across a bear,
spoiling for a fight.

You woke me up of hibernation,
for that you must pay.
But first I will listen,
to what you have to say.

No one has ever come,
and woke me out of my sleep.
What do you have to say,
you pathetic little creep?

I'm sorry Mr Bear,
please don't kill me.
Look, I left a basket of food,
under that tree.

So you seek to bribe me with food,
but that won't work.
I will still kill you,
but I'll eat your food first.

But as the bear turned,
he felt a spear in his heart.
He looked back at me,
from a few feed apart.

He said you tricked me,
you cheating little man.
I said I did nothing at all,
but live by the law of your land.

by Ricky Silva, August 2013

THE LAWS OF THE LAND

Hello, I'm back!
By now you have read about my friend who committed suicide in December 2012. This is the kind of things that happen. Solitary confinement on a long term basis effects the mind deeply. He was not weak minded but there is only so much one person can take.

I told in the last post of th law of the land. In my mind it goes like this:
Every land has their own laws. Those laws to us may seem unfair, unjust or even uncivilized. Yet if we choose to travel to that land, reguardless of how we feel, we must live by those laws.
About 20 years ago you mind remember a case where a teenage American boy was caught spray painting a van in Singapore. The sentence for the vandalism charge was 8 strokes by the cane (he was caned 8 times). Harsh punishment for such a small offense. Well it gets worse, after 4 strokes of the cane the boy passed out from the pain. And guess what, they wouldn't finish they waited for him to become awake again to be sure he could feel every stroke of the cane.

They did this to a teenage American and there was nothing America could do. You can guess why?
Because the boy was in a foreign land and even if we feel the laws are unfair we must honor them.

Well it's the same way in prison. You may not agree with the way things are done or you might be repulsed by the savage way some people live around you. But the laws are the laws. So you devise a way to keep yourself from becoming a complete animal and yet still survive around a lot of people who may not even care if they are human.

You must respect the laws of the land you live in and you must demand the same of the people around you. If the laws require violence you provide for it because if you don't it will be you that suffer and maybe in a way you will never recover from.

As I said this is just my point of view. You may have some convicts who say they don't honor any laws but their own. But I would say they are full of shit or they won't last long that way. But hey, that's just my point of view.

They moved me from one prison to another in May 2013. Now I'm in Florida State Prison and I will tell you about that in my next post.
Be safe.

one man caged
Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

JUST ANOTHER STORY

Included in this post is the poem "Just Another Story" and I call it that because though to the average person that story might seem horrible but in my surroundings it's just another story.

It is a short version of my life to date but compared with some stories around me it isn't even so bad. So a lot of us on solitary have similar stories.

I would say now, it was not an easy life for a lot of us and no, it does not excuse what put us here but for a lot of us, we never quite understand how wrong we were living and that includes me. 

If I had half the knowledge I have now when I was 18 years old, I know for a fact my life would be a lot different as would the life of the people I hurt in an attempt to make my own pain go away. 

I can not change the things I have done, I can't take them back nor can I make them go away. I can't give life back to the man I took it from and to be honest I'm still not sure I would want to. 

But I recognize all the wrong I did. I realize I had no right to take a life even if I felt justified. And for sure I had no right to instill fear in people and take their money for the selfish purpose of getting drugs to escape my own life. 

And though a lot of people doubt it's possible, I have changed and am changing every day.

Will it free me from prison? No, it won't. But becoming a better man for me is a purpose in itself. It feels good to see a better man staring back at me in my crusty little mirror.
And there are a lot more convicts just like me being put through the mental torture of being isolated in the concrete boxes they call cells. We try every day against the odds to become better men. Dealing with the punishment for the hurt we caused, when for a lot of us we know no one will ever pay for the hurt they caused us, setting a lot of us off down a dirty dead end street at a young age.

I caught another convict, who was already in prison for raping an 11 year old girl, masturbating while looking at a picture of my 9 year old niece and I snapped. I completely lost it and I killed him.

Have I forgiven him for his actions? Honestly, no I havn't. But I also now can't forgive myself for the murder. Every person has some good in it and even he did also.

That being said couldn't it be just as possible that us men sitting on solitary have good in us also?

Be safe.

One man caged
Ricky
____________________________________________________

JUST ANOTHER STORY

My father died in prison, before I turned two.
My mother beat me when she drank, and beat my brother too.
Even as a baby I was stubborn, to be controlled by a fist or palm.
My mother would put beer in my bottle, just to keep me calm.

My sister was raped by my brother, and it went on for 5 years.
Yet she still offered me a shoulder, to collect my pain filled tears.
My family was insane, but it was the only family I had.
If you never had it good, you don't know when it's bad.

When I was eight years old, my mother beat me bad one day.
I showed up to school black and blue, and they finally took me away.
I felt all alone and filled with fear, living in the house of a stranger.
So I displayed each day through my actions, a heart filled with anger.

Filled with fear and hopelessness, I started pissing the bed.
And that went on until I turned 15, and the little boy in me was dead.
I spent time in many homes, most of the time lost and confused.
Why when I'm supposed to feel safe, am I always being abused?

In a strangers home I was beaten bad, at a very young age.
And it went on and on until I snapped, and flew into a rage.
I attacked the man dishing out the abuse, and I was charged with assault.
So I was physically and mentaly abused, and now it was my fault.

At least in the child detention center, the abuse finally stopped.
I was almost disappointed, when the charges were actually dropped.
So I closed my mind and built a wall, as I went from home to home.
Me against a fucked up world, as I let my broken heart roam.

Throughout all of this, most of my family went away.
But I was almost a man now, so that seemed okay.
I learned the hard way, that I was the only one who cared for me.
So fuck the world and everyone in it, that's how life would be.

At 18 years old with a wandering soul, I ran the dirty streets.
Not knowing it wouldn't be long, before my destiny I would meet.
I finally found a reason to live, I would go insane today.
Cocaine gave me motivation, and took all my pain away.

Cocaine became my goal in life, I always had to have it.
I would lie, chaet and steal, anything for the habit.
I would say cocaine stole my life, but I gave life away myself.
I was sentenced to natural life at 27, I can blame no one else.

Things have happened in my life, I can't begin to understand.
Two years into my sentence, I killed a man with my hands.
It's hard to believe that has been, over four years ago.
Who would of thought this cell, for that long would be the life I know.

I can't claim innocense, or say my crimes should be dismissed.
But neighter can I agree, that me or anyone deserves this.
So I lay awake at night, in my own little hell.
Knowing that me and me alone, got me into this tiny cell.

I can't feel sorry for myself, for I am not alone.
Thousands of prisoners like me, sing the same sad song.
I don't write all this, so the reader will feel sorry for me.
Because as bad as it sounds, in here it's just another story.

by Ricky Silva, July 2013

FEAR NOT

With each breath of wind, nature slowly unfolds.

With each setting trend, another story is told. 

So as I look at the construction, of the world today

I inhale the destruction, that just won't go away. 

Yet deep in a corner, there is a spot of great peace. 

A place so much warmer, where there is no police.

A place from the past, that we use to know.

A place of green grass, lightly covered in snow. 

Today is so cloudy, I hope for the shine of the sun. 

My thoughts become rowdy, when I think of the battles I've won. 

When my confidence seems low, I easily deceive you. 

What you have to know, I never believed true. 

So with all that said, is life what it really seems. 

Only when we are dead, will we know what life really means. 

So I open up my mind, to the ideas of all

Because in do time, we all must fall.

So when I leave this world, and give my final good bye. 

I won't have a casket of pearls, but you'll find love in my eyes. 

I've gripped all the terms, of a troubling life. 

So when I rest with the worms, I'll make joy my wife. 

Right now death, might be coming near. 

But my last breath, I will not fear. 

I will let the memories of yesterday, put a smile on my face. 

And I will take my life and live the rest today, and sleep on sheets of lace. 

by Ricky Silva, July 2013

CONVICT JUSTICE

Hello, greetings from a dark place!

I promised in my last post to tell of "Convict Justice", what it is and why it's needed. The guards wield a lot of power but they use it only for their benefit. They enforce the rules they want to enforce and when they want to enforce them. 

For example someone may of just purchased a lot of stuff from the inmate canteen and is on the way back to the dorm. 3 or 4 guys may jump on him, beat him up and take his canteen. So now after he is seen by medical, he tells the guards what happen. Their response will be "Well, go beat them up and take your stuff back!"

So being that the guards choose to do nothing about the things that control the safety of all convicts, we must in many ways police ourselves. Maybe that convict is only able to catch one of the people who did it and give him a good ass kicking or hit him upside the head with a piece of rebar or even stab him. Maybe he gets away with it, maybe he doesn't. But that serious act of violence deters a lot of other people from doing shit like that. So though somebody will get hurt real bad or maybe even die. Which is a very serious thing to contemplate. It enables with that one bad act on one day, for the rest of the days to go a lot smoother and for there to more peace. Because with "convict justice" you establish what is accepted and what isn't accepted. 

Unfortunately violence is most of the time all a lot of people understand. People make their choices based on what the outcome is going to be. So if they fear what will happen if they steal or snitch or a number of other things then they will stay away of doing those things. 

This is not the free world. There is little structure. And this little structure there is we make for ourselves. All a lot of us have left is our self respect and you are judged by how much respect you demand. When you live in a wild land you either become a wild man or you don't survive. That's not saying you have to be an animal but first you must survive and to survive in any land you must understand the "laws of the land" and after you understand them you must follow them by yourself and also enforce them which will bring the respect you need, to for the most part be at peace. 

I will take more about "the laws of the land" in my next post. 

Until then, BE SAFE. 

One man caged

Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

HOPE FOR TODAY

In the world we believe, yet trust we not
In a vision I receive, a pound of buckshot
Upon the highest mountain, you may find truth
And in the clear blue fountain, you may find youth

While living in a bubble, we find knowledge can't be taken
And it's our biggest trouble, that we all been forsaken
We will never ever allow, for a show without us on stage
So we take a stow bow, as the curtain closes on our rage

Over 400 degrees, and in our heart a fire burns
To be extinguished by the seas, of a mind that's been slowly turned
Green is the grass, on which we now and always walk
And to save their dirty ass, many will choose to talk

Yet there is honor amongst some, that holds even today
And the day will soon come, where it doesn't matter what we say
We may choose to forgive, yet not be forgiven our wrong
Today we all live, but it can't last very long

So I contemplate lifes gift, and I slowly start to plot
My feet begin to shift, along this twisty path I trot
Life gives and it takes, this I found to be true
But our outlook makes, the choice for me and you

So though things are bad, I walk head held high
I may at times be sad, but joy lives in tomorrows sky
You may not control today, but you today can change tomorrow
So let a smile push your blues away, caress hope and say goodbye to sorrow

by Ricky Silva, july 2013

DIRTY GAMES

In one of my last posts I told of some of the games the guards play. I also told of some of the cruel things they do. However if I'm to be completely honest a lot of times we "the convicts" are our own worst enemies. Do to the power and control the guards have over the convict population because of the lack of unity between convicts that use to exist. You will find a lot of convicts turning against each other and playing their own games to help the guards and therefor maybe make it easier on themselfes.

I said I would tell you of those games and so I will and it's not only on solitary confinement that these games are played it's in open population as well. For example you have a lot of convicts on solitary confinement for up to 2 years because when in open population they made another convict angry.
And to get even that convict, planted a shank "knife" inside his cell at some free moment and then told the guards that he had a shank and was going to kill someone. The guards go and search the cell and find the planted shank. And guess what? The guy got set up and now will be in solitary for no less than 18 months.
It doesn't matter that there is no proof, the appeal system is a joke.

Once on solitary you have to watch out for all kinds of other games. Someone may get mad at you over some disagreement and write a inmate request to change your diet. They put your name on the request like it's coming from you. Next thing you know you are getting a alternate diet with no meat on it and it takes almost a month to get it changed.

Or maybe someone is real hungry or wants cigarettes they will make a whole made shank from the metal of the recreation cage and turn it in to the guards. For in return they might get extra food or cigarettes. However the same shank they sell to the guards is the one the guards use to plant in the cell of a convict that pisses them off.

So we hurt each other in hopes to get a little help from the guards. People do a lot of things on solitary they may not do in open population because they don't have to face "convict justice" which in all likelyhood would deter them from doing those things. If when they did those things they got a good ass kicking they would think twice. But on solitary they can hide in their cell and do as they please and no one can get to them or hurt them. Thus no "convict justice".
I will explain convict justice in my next post. Until then BE SAFE.

one man caged
Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

IN MEMORY OF JOHNNY

Johnny D. Reed
born 03/22/1973
died 12/21/2012

July 18th, 2013

The poem to go along with this post is dedicated to Johnny Reed who was murdered by the department of corrections.

Why do I say murdered when in all reality he hung himself? Because first they killed all his hope and then by leaving him in solitary for almost 10 years, they killed his spirit.

Make no mistakes, he was murdered and they used his own hands as the weapon.

Someone on the wing with me now told me just yesterday that this happen all the way back in december 2012. Johnny was not perfect but I liked him and neighter he nor anyone else deserves to go through what we are going through with this long term solitary confinement.

The poem pretty much says how I feel. I just found this out yesterday so I don't even know what to write. But it is a reality check for me. We are all mortal and I have been real close to ending my own life many times. But Johnny will not be forgotten, at least not by me.

Be safe.
one man caged
Ricky

KILLED BY THE DARK

dedicated to Johnny Reed (died December 2012)

He sat in the darkness, for almost 10 years

Striding foward each day, swollowing his tears

He was not perfect at all, but he didn't deserve this

To rot in a cell, with no one to love or to miss

He was quick to laugh, when he was feeling well

Or to tell a joke, to get us away from this hell

He was a man of his word, this I know to be true

If you gave him respect, he would in turn respect you

But with each passing day, his world became black

The darkness covering a world, he would never get back

Life became heavy, a great struggle each day

depression set in, and would not go away

Than one day the wing became loud, with everybody banging

The guards went to check it out, and they found Johnny hanging

They broke his fucking ribs, trying to pump air into his chest

And then let him die, saying that they did their best

Johnny for what it's worth, I'm sorry you had to go

You were one of the few in here, I was happy to know

I can't lie and say, it has not crossed my mind

I've come very close myself, from time to time

You were a warrior Johnny, make no mistake

But even a warrior, has only so much they can take

Just want you to know, you will be missed

Not just another soul, claimed by the darkness

by Ricky Silva, July 2013

STAY STRONG

The Close Management Cell / Florida State Prison
drawn by Daniel McKee (Florida State Prison)

Some of us have already lost, some are facing defeat
We're now paying the cost, surrounded by concrete
A lot is out of our control, or even much worse
We pay now with our soul, for things we can't reverse

Darkness is all around, yet we have no time to mourn
With dew upon the ground, comes the brand new dawn
Clouds often fill the sky, yet at times they come apart
Then the sun sits up high, brightening my broken heart

We sometimes feel the pain, of looking loneliness in the face
The tears fall down like rain, but solitude we won't embrace
In this tiny cell, I've dwelled for many years
My heart lets off a yell, for the hope that swallowed my tears

It's not over yet, for I take another breath
Though I won't forget, I admonish the thought of death
I will not choose to fail, it is meant for me to be free
I will walk freedoms trail, if only mentaly

So with the sky so very blue, the eagle spreads it's wings
After all that I've been through, I can make it through anything
The mud may be to my knees, as I trudge through life today
But tomorrow comes on the breeze, blowing all the mud away

So I hold hope near, pushing away fear and sorrow
Fighting what I hear, hoping for tomorrow
And when tomorrow finally arrives, I will be standing tall
Because only the strong survives, and I will never fall

by Ricky Silva, july 2013

STARTING FRESH

I must say I was very close to giving up on this blog for a couple of reasons. One reason is because I don't feel I'm a good enough writer to bring my message to people in a way they can understand. The second reason is a branch of the first reason. Do to the first reason i didn't feel I could make it productive. However I have been convinced by someone very special to me to keep doing it because despite how I feel it is and can be very productive. So here I am writing now.

In a way I'm starting fresh.
So let me tell you about Solitary Confinement on a long term basis in the state of Florida. It is better known as Close Management. There are 3 levels to complete befor you return to open population. It is a long journey. I have been on Close Management for 4 years and I just made level 2.
People come to Close Management for serious rule violations such as, assault on staff, assault on inmates, possesion of drugs or of a weapon, any serious offense.
When you come for those serious reasons you start on level 1 and must complete level 2 and 3 before you return to population.
But you can also come to Close Management for many minor violations very close together in which case you would start on level 3 and for sure be back in open population faster than someone starting on level 1.

The living conditions consist of a 6 by 10 foot cell, you have a steel toilet and sink, a steel platform to place a mattress that is about 4 inches thick. You have a window and a small foot locker to place your property in. You are fed 3 meals a day consisting dirty vegetables and whatever mystery meat. They have that pass through a flap in your cell door.

You are allowed 2 hours 3 times a week in a outdoor recreation cage no bigger than your cell.
However should you choose to go, the guards that take you will trash your cell and steal from you as a method of keeping people from wanting to go because they don't want to have to escort you out there and watch over you.
They call it random cell search. They do this a lot when they want people to stay in their cell. They are not searching for anything they are just messing all your property up to make you not come out the next time.

Other than recreation we come out of our cell 3 times a week for a shave and shower. So most of our time is spent in our cell.

The guards have a lot of cruel methods they use to either flat out abuse someone or to make them conform to their way of thinking. For instance they feed very small portions of food ensuring that you're always hungry and even if you're fortune enough to have money to buy food off of the inmate canteen it doesn't matter because you're only allowed to buy 5 single food items per week. So figure 5 small bags of potato chips per week, what will that really do to stem your hunger?
So hunger is one of the methods they use. Another is harrassment such as messing your cell up every time you choose to leave.

Then there is flat out physical abuse while you're in handcuffs and leg restraints. You are defenseless and they will beat you up. No way for you to fight back.

And then if you are able to make it past all that and go all the way to level 3 you have to hope one of the guards doesn't get mad at you and during one of those random cell searchs they are so fond of find a whole made shank "knife" that was not there when you left your cell. But they planted it there because they know it will get you sent back all the way to level 1 and cost you at least 2 more years in Solitary Confinement.

It's a very dirty game that's played back here and it's not just the guards that play those games. A lot of times the convicts play games on each other. Those games that the convicts play I will write about in next weeks post. I will make a post every week. Until then thank you for reading whatever your reasons may be.

One man caged,
Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

STRIP

I thought of something you might want to know about.
It is a procedure they use here that started about 5 years ago. It is called "property restriction" and it's a cruel thing. They use it out of context. Whenever you piss off a guard he will lie and find a way to put you on property restriction, better known as STRIP.

They don't just take all your personal property they take everything out of your cell. They leave you a pair of boxers, that's it. No mattress or sheets nothing in your cell but you and your boxers. You sleep on steel for 3 days that's if you can sleep at all.
When it's winter time they will turn on the fans so you can be as cold as possible. It is like torture.

I went through only once but it was in the winter so it was really bad. Not something I ever want to go through again if I can avoid it.

So just another one of the ways they find to legally abuse us and we have tried, there is nothing we can do about it. They pass it off as a security issue and there is no way to prove they are abusing it.

The following poem is about how I felt when they put me on property restriction.
____________________________________________________

FIGHTING THE CHILL

It's so very cold,
please bring me the heat.
I can't fight the ice,
I must now retreat.

I backtrack from war,
in the deep white snow.
I look over my shoulder,
and no footprints show.

It's cold, it's so cold,
I feel frost in my veins.
I seek the warmth of a smile,
and find only disdain.

I treck on, I treck on,
but there is no end in sight.
It all feels so real,
why do my lungs feel so tight?

The pain is to great,
it knocks me to my knees.
It's so fucking cold,
I think I will freeze.

It's cold, it's cold,
I must get away.
Yet there is no safety,
I'm dead anyway.

by Ricky Silva, June 2013

NEVER GIVE IN

Live for the day, die in the sorrow.
Yesterday is gone, maybe no tomorrow.
So much weakness, in the land of the strong.
So much right, where is the wrong?

I opened up my head, and my mind took a stroll.
There is no freedom here, big brother is on patrol.
Always on your feet, prepared for an assault.
If you slip someone grips, and it's your own fucking fault.

Any move you make, could land a knife in your back.
You can't open doors, not even a little crack.
Give someone an inch, and they'll surely want a mile.
What kind of life is it, when a form of weakness is a smile.

People live people die, it all happens here.
I'm here for life, my neighbor only one more year.
How do I live in hell, and show absolutely no fear?
How can I feel so much pain, and never shed a tear?

I can't let it take me, the evil of this place.
My head is high, I face the sky, the sun in my face.
Surrounded by barbwire, it always is a struggle.
To live a normal life, in a barbwire jungle.

Yet I feel the urge to better myself, should I even try?
I did this to myself, why, why, why?
But I won't give up, I will once again be free.
Even if my freedom only comes, in my head mentaly.

by Ricky Silva, may 2013

TO MUCH

I'm lost, I'm lost
don't hear a sound.
I'm lost, I'm lost
will I be found?

Will I wander forever,
where the wind swirls?
Will I be stuck here
in between worlds?

Will the light come,
and all be revealed?
Will I recover at all,
will my wounds be healed?

I want out of this darkness,
but can't figure out how.
Alright I'll be good,
will you let me out now?

This punishment is,
much to severe.
Are you kidding me?
Almost 4 fucking years!

Almost 4 years of solitary,
this confinement's to long.
And there is no end in sight,
but I will remain strong.

by Ricky Silva, june 2013

YOU LIVE, YOU LEARN

Think back in time,
of all that you learned.
The fire blazes hotly,
step close and get burned.

Just because it shines,
doesn't mean that it's gold.
Don't believe in everything,
that you are told.

Sticks and stones,
may break your bones.
And you don't do it all,
on your very own.

It's ok now and then,
to shed a tear.
Don't be afraid,
to face all your fears.

Watch your step,
so you don't trip.
Once you start something,
never do you quit.

Knowledge from experience,
is the key to the kingdom.
And this knowledge put to use,
is the essence of wisdom.

by Ricky Silva, june 2013

JUNE 11, 2013

For all the people following my blog: THANKS!

Shit is real crazy here right now. The officers have got it in their head to stop all communicating. We can talk to each other out our back window or through the air vent but now the correctional officers are cracking down on it. When they catch you talking on your window or vent they skipping your next meal. They are not suppose to do that, you're suppose to get 3 meals no matter what, but the officers know that everybody is hungry back here. So they do that because it hurts more than a write up does and it's easier for them because they don't even have to do paperwork on it.

The abuse of power is rigorously. They just yesterday while someone was handcuffed and shackled, as we always are when we come out of our cell, punched a defenseless man in his head 2 times draining blood to teach him a lesson!!

Are prisoners not being taught their lesson with the loss of their freedom?
Should all of this be going on? If it was your relative, would you accept this?
Does everyone who commits a crime deserve this?

Everyone is entitled to an own opinion. In my opinion it's to much. How about you? If you're reading this the subject must interest you. So, what do you think? Let me know how you feel. Maybe you agree or maybe don't. Maybe my view is wrong.

Well, that's it for now.
Until next time

Sincerely
Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

24 QUESTIONS

If you're surrounded by nothing, can you feel trapped?
Should you sit back and watch, as your world comes unwrapped?
If life ended right now, where would you stand?
Have you reached your goals, fulfilled your plan?

Have you loved your neighbor, like we know we should?
Have you helped another, at times when you could?
Have you loved someone and that love wasn't returned?
Have you given chances to people and than been burned?

Have you burned someone else, when they gave you a chance?
Have you ever been a victim, of bad circumstance?
Reached out for help and no one was there?
Or someone reached out o you, but you didn't care?

Do you learn from mistakes, once there are done?
Do you believe you have faults or are you the perfect one?
Am I a waste of life, because of my incarceration?
Do you believe in being ready, in great preperation?

Should we be forgiven, for a life we choose to live?
Is it hard for you as a person, to let go and to forgive?
You ever not want to admitt it, but were filled with fear?
Ever been confused in life, yet said it was all clear?

Ever have good things happen and credit it to good luck?
Ever feel yourself dieing, but didn't give a fuck?
Tired of my questions? I don't blame you.
But nobody is perfect, isn't that true?

by Ricky Silva, may 2013
_____________________________________________________________________

If you have been following my blog i hope it's not boring you to death as I sit in my cell surrounded by steel. I enjoy writing and I'm trying to do something productive so I don't feel like such a loser. The poem is a lot of questions, questions I often at one point or another had to ask myself.

I hope your answers make you feel better about yourself then my answers made me feel. Feel free to comment on them or ask some of your own, that is completely up to you.

I promised to tell about some of the people on my wing and then they up and moved me. Things are more secluded here, the cells are farther apart and communication is difficult. We must scream to be heard and that pisses off the guards. We can talk out our window but if we get caught we get written up or they don't feed us the next meal. I know, crazy but once I get readjusted to my new home I will fill in the blanks on my blog.

Please understand, I realize a lot of people who read this are not going to like me or are not gonna agree  with a lot of the things I say. These are just my thoughts. I can respect anybodies point of view and in fact would love to hear any feedback, positive or negative. I am open-minded and will accept all feedback. So untill next time I reside in and write to you from a box made of concrete, I reach out anyway.

Sincerely
Ricky

Ricky Silva DC# L24722

Florida State Prison

7819 N.W. 228th street

Raiford, Florida 32026

U.S.A.

SINGING WIND

The wind sings,

as it blows along.

And with it's voice,

comes a beautiful song.

A song for the birds, 

that soar up high.

And for a gentle doe,

who wishes to fly.

A song for the lion,

who gives a roaring rumble.

To claim his place,

as king of the jungle.

A song for the sea gulls,

who above the ocean float.

And for all the dolphins,

circling the boats.

The wind sings a song,

and it's quite a tune.

We should cherish this song,

for it could be over soon.

The wind sings note efter note,

with a joyous breath.

The only time the song stops,

is with the coming of death.

The wind sings, 

as it blows along.

And with it's voice,

comes a beautiful song. 

by Ricky Silva, may 2013

THOUGHTS ON MEMORIAL DAY

A criminals mind often produces choices that the avarage person wouldn't make. For some they're a product of their environment. They know no other way of life. Is that an excuse? Yes.
But the real question is not if it's an excuse, it's if it excuses. And the answer to that is no.
I'm not saying criminals like myself don't deserve to be punished. But like I wrote in the poem on my blog, where does the punishment exceed being productive and just become cruel? To be locked away for life with no chance of parole for crimes in which no one was hurt or for petty theft based on a 3 strike law? In some ways I agree rather than take all hope away from a human being by locking him away forever. Shit, it would be less punishment to have a bullet in your head and it being over with. Not saying that's my solution but there have been times when I welcomed death over this solitary that's attempting to kill my mind.

And for every one criminal that is a product of addiction or poverty there is one that is just plain evil who cares for nothing an no one. I can't really relate to this kind of mindset because that is not how I think. To do things with no remorse and care for nothing but yourself or your own personal gain seems harsh beyond my understanding.
I had to face the victims in my robberies cases during the trial I had for the murder of another inmate while in prison and though I felt no remorse for killing the inmate I felt great remorse for the trauma I put the victims in my robberies cases through.
I know in a lot of peoples minds no inmate has good in them. And I will be the first to say I did some real shitty things and I guess the reason that I did them really doesn't matter. The result of what I did is the same either way.

However though it may be thought that no inmate has any good in them. In my opinion NOW every human being including inmates has some good in them. Even the man I killed must of had some good in him. And though I can't yet forgive him for desecrating a picture of my 9 year old niece. I have come to the point where I can't yet forgive myself for taking his life. There are times when I feel he deserved it but the bottom line is, it wasn't my choice to make.

That being said there are many men in solitary for very long periods of time and a lot of us have done some shitty things but we're not all pieces of shit that should be locked away in a small cell forever. What if all you had to look at each day was those cell walls for not a day or two but a year or two? It's cruelness, it really is. I'm making it but it isn't easy and it is harder on some than others. You feel I'm not worthy than why not find a convict that you feel is worthy and reach out to him. A letter now and then may be the difference between a good day and finally going insane. And I'm not being funny, being totally honest.

Please understand when I write about things, I may not be talking just about my situation I may be speaking in general and most of what I say is just my opinion. And opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. :)

I'm posting at least one more poem. Poems posted are all written by me. Maybe garbage that doesn't make sense but hell, they came right out of my head. I will try to keep posting each week.

Sincerely,
a caged man
Ricky


Ricky Silva DC# L24722
Florida State Prison
7819 N.W. 228th street
Raiford, Florida 32026
U.S.A.

UNTITLED

As I drop to my knees,

in the forest of life.

The soil is my friend,

the trees a lonely wife.

For there is hope out there,

and it floats on the breeze.

As I stand once again,

and dust off my knees.

Life is what I want,

at least for today.

I live in the moons light,

the words I now say.

I'm filled with a joyful light,

as the sun circles my brain.

Thirsting for forgiveness,

please bring the rain.

I drink the water of the future,

and eat the meat of the past.

Yet the hope of today,

brings a smile at last.

So as the river meets the ocean,

their path are intertwined.

And a bird soars overhead,

and heals this lonely heart of mine.

by Ricky Silva, april 2013

JUDGE ME NOT

I feel fire in my heart, as the world turns.
Misery finds me lonely, as lifes candle burns.
It's all in my mind, or so I've been told.
But it's all so confusing, as life continues to unfold.

A bird thrown out of the nest, could likely die.
Yet determined to live, that baby bird will fly.
How is it I myself, struggle each and every day.
To embrace my fears, and push negativity away.

I have been disappointed, and I have disappoined others.
I have been a disappointment, to my very own mother.
So I sit on this mat, in a tiny little cell.
With a story to tell, about my own personal hell.

The walls are closing in, or at least it seems.
If I'm living life asleep, then please let me dream.
I feel beaten by life, by myself I have been abused.
I chose this path, why now am I lost and confused?

To know wisdom is to perceive understanding, a wise man once said.
Yet understanding eludes me, and the wise man is probably dead.
Life deals you a hand, often missing an ace.
Yet you always stride forward, wearing your poker face.

I do accept responsibility, for all that I've done.
I accept my loses, along with the battles I've won.
I feel much remorse, for things I will never forget.
I could lay down and give up, but I won't do that yet.

Because along with the rage in my heart, when push comes to shove.
You will find right beside it, compassion and love.
I have done my share of wrong, this much is true.
One day I will be judged, but i hope not by you!!!

by Ricky Silva, may 2013

A STORY OF FRIENDSHIP

I would like to tell you a story, about 4 friends of mine.
It had gotten to the point, where we talk from time to time.
When they first came into my life, I would push them away.
But they stood strong and steady, and said they would stay.

They said you may not realize it now, but we're truely good friends.
And we'll do anything in our power, to stay with you till the end.
When you feel fed up with life, we'll sing you a song.
As long as you have us, you will never be alone.

We're here for you now, who else have you got?
We keep you warm when it's cold, and cool when it's hot.
You feel you don't need us, but that is untrue.
Can't you see how much, the 4 of us care for you?

As time has passed by, I have opened up some.
And they say they knew all along, that day would come.
They speak in a tone of voice, it seems only I can hear.
About how much they care, and they sound so sincere.

They have been a unrelenting precence, for a few years now.
I have tried to rid myself of them, but have yet to figure out how.
So they speak directly to me, and always ask me why
when they care for me so much, do I keep pushing them aside?

That's not how you treat your friends, they always say.
All you ever do is take, and then push us away.
We surround you like a shield, and protect you from harm.
We comfort you in our embrace, when you feel alarmed.

We take your life in our hands, and keep negativity out.
Yet what we keep from you, is all you ever care about.
Well we just want you to know, we will always be here.
Have we not proven that, over the last few years?

The 4 of us have been there, through good and bad weather.
When everyone lost their pen, and wouldn't even send a letter.
Through all the struggles and strife, and late night hunger pain.
The 4 of us where there, to help keep you sane.

So yes, I've come to accept, it's the 4 of them and me.
And though very often in this cell, I question my sanity.
The 4 so called friends I realize now, are no friends at all.
They may be with me all the time, but all they are is walls.

by Ricky Silva, march 2013